Saturday, September 1, 2007

Asshole Driven Development

This comes from the classic post by Scott Burken on Asshole Driven Development, where he came up with the acronym ADD, and the users obliged with their inputs.Its hilarious, will surely advise you to check out the post ad the comments there.Here are few gems,

Asshole Driven development (ADD) - Any team where the biggest jerk makes all the big decisions is asshole driven development. All wisdom, logic or process goes out the window when Mr. Asshole is in the room, doing whatever idiotic, selfish thing he thinks is best. There may rules and processes, but Mr. A breaks them and people follow anyway.
  • Shovel-Driven Development

    Get it out the door as quickly as possible, cut-n-paste from anything that you find that works on Google, if it works it’s ready. Closely related to “Duct-tape Driven Design”

  • Blame The People Worked and Left (BTPWAL): When you see a glitch, doesn’t matter whether your code caused it or not…through it on the people worked on this project and left the organization. I see this frequently in consulting environments.

  • IWTWD (It’s What They Wanted Development) — Absolving oneself of all accountability by inventing a group of people known as “they” and blaming them for one’s own inability to design and develop a usable system.

  • NDD - Nerd Driven Development. Requires every new and fancy technology to be used in the next project. Just for the sake of it, no matter whether it actually make sense.

  • Don’t forget the Mao Model of Management. (MMM) Thats where you’re never told what you should be doing, you’re only told what you shouldn’t be doing. Generally you are told what you shouldn’t be doing only after you’ve started doing it.

  • TMCD - To many chiefs, not enough Indians. When you have 6 bosses each trying to take the project in different directions. At least one boss wants you to figure out why his laptop keeps locking up and another wants you to come to his house to setup the interweb. The others require you to attend at least one 3 hour long conference call with them per week.
  • Everything is High Priority (EHP) - Management comes and tell you that something is required ASAP and next day something else is required ASAP - in the end nothing gets done!

  • very funny! i submit Cross Your Fingers Development, where allotted development time is so short there’s no time for tests, and so at release time you just cross your fingers and hope it works.

  • I think that we left off the MPP - Marco Polo Process. That where the customer stands in one spot and says “Marco”, and so the developers start blindly coding in that direction, only to get there and find that the customer has moved yet again, “Marco!”, so we start blindly coding again in another direction. Process continues until everyone gets tired and decides to finally get out of the pool.

    “Polo!”

I can go on and on, they are endless! May be the non-techie people will not understand much of it, but I am sure my friends in the IT industry will surely relate to it!

Hope you enjoyed this post!
Cheers,
Me

1 comment:

Dagny said...

Hey... Quite takes me back to my development days. I'd like to add my two bit worth too. The one which floored me each time is (CJWU)"Client Just Woke Up" development.

Here the client sleeps the sleep of the innocent...all thru the time when ur trying to tell him what new features you can add... and thier benefits till u are gasping for breath.

Clients sleepily- and petulantly- says no to all. Once your coding is 90% over, he wakes up and then tries to tell you that he had said yes all along and goodness what a cheat you are....!!